MERK
INTERVIEW BY JIM MURPHY AND JACK FITZGERALD
After a bottle of Hennessey, a bottle of Smirnoff Vodka and a couple of Budweiser tallboys, Jim and Jack took Merk up to the rooftop of the Juice penthouse and had a talk.
Jack: Let's talk about Pearl Harbor...
Merk: The masterminds at Mitsubishi plotted the attack on Pearl Harbor.
Jack: Yeah, then we dropped the bomb on their ass.
Merk: The bottom line is we won that war.
Jack: What are you talking about? You’re a Kraut. We kicked your ass. The Irish boys went over there and kicked German ass.
Merk: I have German blood in me. My mom is German and my dad is German but...
Jack: What the fuck are you doing in my fucking country?
Merk: Your fuckin country? You’re Irish. We’re in America goddammit. Land of the free, home of the brave. I’m German as fuck. I don’t deny it. So be it. A lot of people aren’t proud to be. Anything wrong with this society as we know it is blamed on the white man.
Jack: You know those guys from the Blues Brothers, the Illinois Nazis? That’s what you sound like.
Merk: Well, ya know if you break it down through history, white men have plundered the entire planet, they have destroyed it. But, ya know what, I wasn’t there. So, if anyone points at me and gets in my face about it, I’ll stick ‘em like a pig, because I’m a skateboarder. I just want to skate. And yeah, I’m proud of my dad. He fought in Korea. The fact is this, New York City is the great melting pot, but a lot of these people’s ancestors didn’t die for it. My ancestors died for it.
Jack: What’s your favorite combo at the bar when you first show up?
Merk: Whoever I’m there with, if it’s 3 guys, it’s 3 shots of Yukon. Then we’ll take the most white bread American Beer we can take.
Jack: You want a German Beer?
Merk: I like Budweiser and I like Busch so don’t fuckin’ bust my balls for it. And I'm buying so don’t argue about it. Murph, you like Guinness right?
Jim: Yeah, a fine Irish beer, ya bastard.
Merk: Yeah, but the first step is Yukon, regardless. Ya know, most bars don’t carry Yukon. When you're in the shitty, they’ll tell ya, [in a sissy-style voice] ‘We don’t carry Yukon, we have Southern Comfort’.
Jack: Yeah, Southern Comfort doesn’t settle your stomach right. Yukon Jack does the trick.
Merk: Yukon Jack doesn’t have the taste of whorry nights when men didn’t seem to care. Ya know when the cabin is warm and the fire is lit and it’s not. Yukon Jack is boldly flavored, yet suprisingly smooth.
Jack: Who is your favorite bartender?
Merk: It’s either gotta be Peter Christy or Arnie at Haigs.
Jack: Stevie Hayes.
Merk: Ya know, Stevie Hayes is a good fuckin’ bartender but he puts bars out of business.
Jim: Ouch.
Merk: But yeah, hands down, it’s Arnie at Haigs.
Jack: How many DWIs do you have?
Merk: I have two DWIs that were my ex-girlfriend’s fault and one was reduced to recluse driving (reckless driving) in Maine. I spent three days in the brig. I was fighting for my life. I mean I got arrested with my girlfriend and I had a knife on me. So they threw me in the cop car then they put my girlfriend who was drunk back in her car and let her drive away. Fuck. So, I told the cop if anything happened to my girlfriend and she’s driving drunk; I’m coming at you. So, he looked at me and smiled and I spent the next three days in the brig for it. Normally it’s a night in jail and no big deal.
Jack: Well that covers that..
Merk: Yeah she fucked up. Remember the scene in “The Shining” when Jack Nicholson is talking to Mr. Grady in the bathroom. ) Yeah, and Nicholson is like “ Yeah, yeah, corrected.”
Jim: Yeah he’s looking up and down and side to side saying “Weren’t you the caretaker here Mr. Grady?”
Merk: Yeah, I need a tattoo of that. That was so fuckin’ rad.
Jim: What was the bartender’s name in that movie?
Merk: Jonesy? Nah. Whitey? Nah.
Jack: Smitty? Nah.
Jim: Freddy? Nah.
Merk: Fred Smith? Maybe.
Jim: Yeah, Fred Smith!
Merk: Just for the record Fred is one of my heroes.
Jim: Did you know him from the beginning of the Loud One days?
Merk: Yeah, we were from Connecticut and we used to travel to Boston and Newport up to Sids (Water Bros.). Before he had tattoos, Freddy was doing the Skate Hut. Yeah, we shouldn’t have been driving under age and all, but we were like ‘We’re going to the Skate Hut. We’re there. Who’s going to stop us?’
Jack: Tell us about the bag lady?
Merk: Hey man, that one was for the boys, it was for the boys. I did it for the team because there is no “I” in team. Bros before hos. Yeah, it was at the Atlantic City Trade Show in the back of my 1968 Plymouth Fury. We got it on film. Then after that I went to Skatopia and I dropped in, went over the waterfall and knocked myself out.
Jim: Yeah, people are scared to go there.
Merk: Seriously man, that place should be standard pro issue. I want Andy Macdonald to come out of a lay back smith grind and do one of those of flippity dippity blah blah blahs in the fuckin’ deep end. I want Pierre-Luc Gagnon,and Pierre Luc Gagnon’s dad to go to Skatopia and stand on the coping in the deep end, jumpin up and down like every time his son skates. And I want Bruce to come in to the deep end doin’ a 50-50 while Pierre is doing a Bo-peep flippity dippity and take him out. I can’t stand it anymore, I’m sick of the industry. The bottom line is the people who sponsor the big magazines, it's a fuckin’ domino effect with layer upon layer of crap. If I see one more kickflip indy I am just going to die. Gimme a layback smith grind any day...
For the rest of the story
order Issue 42 of Juice Magazine -limited supply available here. |
